Haiz...
Not in a good mood...

It's not that I don't want to... But... It just happens...
Stupid I know...
An idiot? Yep u'r right...

For the 1st night, it did accompany me but after that... I just kept it aside...
I don't feel like to look at it...
I just... Haiz...
I started to feel trouble again b4 I can fully enjoy...

Why do I have to be like this?
Why can't I just be like gurls who are grateful enough To only look forward instead of backward
I would be much much happier like that...
Haiz... What's wrong wit me... My life... My past ain't that bad... But somehow I feel unable to move forward... Something is helding me back...




I kept being pessimistic...
I kept thinking negative stuffs till to the point I thought of love stories as a joke...



It's foolish of me to think that love can actually cure me...
It might have the opposite effect...
God... I'm happy to receive the sore throat as a punishment...
Or any form of physical pain...
But enough with this... Please? Or am I looking the whole things th wrong way?
Haiz... I don't know...

Yup... That's how I currently feel...
It's not a serious matter...
But... I just couldn control how I think and how I should feel...

I feel like crying but I'm holding everything back...
I think I'm collasping for no reason...
I needed someone to pull me up somehow, even though I know this is like asking a stupid task from a somebody since it's just a bloody petty matters to everyone else...


Haiz... Why am I feeling so weak?

As I said...
Supposedly I shouldn be emoing...
And I actually wanted to just start browsing the pictures...
But then... Haiz..
Emoing feelings... Depressed... And worse thoughts start to arise in a bad manners... :(

I know I shouldn....
But...
I feel really... Sad...
Almost crying my tears out...
...
Now...
I'm just holding everythg back.... Haiz...

I don't think I'll visit his profile for quite some time for now...
Not till those pics are still on...

Haiz...

Well...
I don't know what to put the title as.. :(

Haiz..
Wtvr it is...
The only thg I can do now is blogging...
Now... I just feel really sad and disappointed...
I just want to let it out...

The thg is...
He promised me that he'll go with me...
He said that he will forsake the chance to go with his fren so that he can go Genting with me...
But... Haiz... Now look at me...
I'm pitiful... I'm miserable... Frustrated as well...

Yea... I know it's too good to be true but yet I still believe him...
I... Save up all those money...
I plan and I dreamt about wat I could've enjoy...
But... There is always a but at the end...
It become worse when meaningless apologies comes after it...
Sad... Just sad...

Now I got the chance to used up all the money I have saved for him...
That is to go Sunway Lagoon with my frens...
I mean why should I sacrifice this chance when he won't appreciate all those...

I'm tired of keep hoping for smthg that doesn't and won't bring much of a difference...
Tat's why... Even if I ask "are you free that day?" but that's the only extent i would go so far...
As in... Enough planning an outing for now... Enough wit the invitations and such...
It's supposed to be his job, not mine... Coz I feel stupid whenever he breaks his own promises...

I was like... Why did I even give him a chance anyway...
Even if i want to... But my heart can't take further disappointments from him...

Is love always just words but actions speaks ortherwise??
I'm sick of relationship actually...
I feel "dead" to continue...

Can't he see it?
Can't he feel it?
Can't he do anythg about it???
JUST STOP BEING SO PASSIVE FOR GOD SAKE!!!
CAN'T YOU SEE THAT I'M SUFFERING?????!

My situation...
It's no different than any other normal break ups...
I feel... Down... Empty... No mood to continue...
Yea... Of course I still cry... Feeling sad... And disappointed...
Almost every night I'm doing the same thg... Feeling the same way...

Haiz...
I do, however still hoping this could be better though...
Haiz...
But... Seriously I had enough of everything...
It's time for him to do the chasing part...
Because I'm tired... I just want to rest from being so active in this relationship...
Well... If he didn't want to do it... If he think he did ntg wrong and refused to put some/little efforts to it... Then.... That is just fine... Let our relationship hang at that breaking point....

I'm gonna try getting over this...
I got a job that I really like... And I hope, somehow my work can distracts me...

haiz... i dn uds why he wanted to post this

不能天天見面的情侣要做到的事：
⒈信任
⒉坦誠
⒊寬容
⒋理解
⒌空間
⒍珍惜
⒎想念

你們做到了嗎?

I don't know why i keep repeating listening those translations...
again i play it... and again... and again...

this thg is ringing in my head...
wat have we been doing wrong?
izit his fault or mine?
izit true if the girl start chasing 1st, then te boy won't appreciate her that much?
or izit that i'm being blind?

I can't shake off those insecure feelings even until now...
why is it so?
and he said he's tired of convincing me?
since when he started anyway... just those words huh? it's like an empty vessel w/o any meaning....
tired of convincing huh?
it's like atom bomb just drop into my soul...
my heart breaks...

I feel better now...
A good way of saying is...
I want more intimacy...
Not the hugs and kisses kind...
But the way we spend our quality time together...
I'm pretty greedy... And selfish as well...
Just as simple as that, I just want to be closer by any means...
More calls... Going on a trip... Eat and stuff...
It's just feels that I'm the only one who wants all that... Not him...

Everyday said the same thing... Not much of differences or any hidden surprises...
No more anniversary msgs...

Haiz... I just hate crying alone... Bye...

Why?? Why?? Why??
I just don't get it sometimes...
I hate it a lot...
Erggghhhh.... *start banging my head to the wall*
I'm busy with my work...
I work on weekdays... He works on weekends...
We barely have times to talk...
He never thought of any ways of how to go out with me... How to meet me... OR anythg!!!!
He just go with the flow...
AND
I have to plan everything...
Well... I had ENOUGH!!!!

I still got doubts whether or not he truly loves me...
Well yea... All he think it's his ego.. His pride... And Him being supposedly a passive guy...
Well.. Yea sure... Continue doing that... Because I'm not sure I want to continue this whole nonsense thg anymore...
I feel like a crap for keep doing this and that....
I feel stupid... An idiot who is doing all those thgs for NOTHING....
Love? Haiz.... So wat... Not that he appreciate it anyway...
Rmbr the thg I knit for him? I think it's somewhere in the drawer, molding, collecting dusts.... And some ppl say I should be grateful that it didn't end up in the garbage... Well, I think that's a 'sooner or later' event...



I don't get how Vinu can support him...
She said I should uds him...
But seriously in WHAT way???
By JUST accepting who he is?
And then what?
That's definitely NOT I want...
I'm tired... Frustrated...
Because I can't see what I'm supposed to see...
How deep he love me and everythg... How he treat me specially or smthg...
But I don't feel like that at all...
I don't know how to trust him... I'm not sure that I should either....

He didn't ask me out...
He never bothers to thought of a way either...
I don't uds him... Nor I do know how he feels frm times to times... Well actually how could I?? Since he never tell me...
He said he might go to S'pore... And THIS, I got to know frm reading fb and not through him...
I'm clueless... Always has been... Coz this is not the 1st time...
Haiz... What am I to him anyway? Just a gf by name huh?
Haiz... I hate this...
I don't know him for 19 years of my life and even until now I still DON'T...



Our future?
"I look and I saw it's full of sh**"
I think I'm gonna stick with that statement for now...
If u think I'm being harsh... Well, that just mean u have no idea how pissed I am rite now....
He never change... He never will be...
If I said break up now, he'll give up easily on me...
Coz that's just the way he is...

Haiz... Why continue if it's that difficult?
Because of my stupid feelings of love...
Crap that love... Crap that hopes and wishes....
I'm giving up...
Trust me, I can... All I need is time and his ignorance....
PEACE OUT! XP