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Of course I too wish the same thing.
I wish I can just end my story with "happily ever after" ending...
But... Recently...
It is just scary to think about this...
Scary why?

Well I encountered a small minor & silly accident just yesterday morning...
Her boyfriend is there helping her & everything...
But rest assure, her boyfriend isn't the type that is unreasonable & everything...
So everything is settle...

Er... The point is... I was like... I got lost for a while...
I was clueless with what I should have done...
I got no one depends on... Even if I do, I was just making things worse... Because I troubled them in a way...

Not only that... I... was feeling really lonely...
So... This is me in the next few more years to come...
He won't be by my side...
I just have to stand strong... Alone...
Reality hurts... Love hurts... Truth hurts... Everything is just damn annoying...
Why does it needed to be that way... :(


Besides that...

My dad again need to go to hospital...
I... What can I do??
Who can I depend on?
Money... Lack of income...
Comfort... No one can give me the warmth or the care that I need now...
I'm scared... Afraid... Lost... Weak...
I just don't know how should I overcome this...


No matter how many tears I shed... Things will just stay the same...
But... Other than that... I just couldn't manage to do anything...
I'm pathetic...


God... Please continue to help me... Please...

It sucks to love a guy more than he loves u...
How do I know?
Well... This ain't te 1st time... And I'm thinking that I should make tis te last time...

I gt thgs to be done... I gt ambitions to be realised...
I know everyone is not perfect but... I want to move on...
I just found smthg recently... Smthg that might help me to change my life...
I really wanna concentrate on that... I wan to stop wasting my tears...

Yes... I admit I am afraid to lose him...
But I can see that... He care less...
If I were to stop everythg now...
Of course, & no doubt, he'll be sad... But that's all to it... Ntg more & ntg less...

God... My Father... & My Lord...
I need a guy in my life that really loves me & take care of me...
Is he not the one?
I might be doing smthg regretable... Please guide me... Would you?

Haiz...
I just want to be happy with the person I love...
I really want him to really really love me back...
But... No calls... Doesn't care... No plannings... No changes...
And now... Sitting in front of my laptop, crying... Haiz...

Reasons why I wanted 2 do that...
Well...
I had enough of loneliness...
Both my parents are healthy & are alive...
But... That are smthg I lack of... That is care & love of a warming family...

I wanted a relationship opposite of my current situation...
I just don't want to repeat te same cycle of loneliness...
No... Meeting isn't essential... But... Without it... I feel lonely...

Starting a new semester...
This aldy influence much of our conversation...
Less & lesser time to communicate & interaction...
So tell me will longer dist pull us apart or pulling us 2gether??

Fear & worries are convincing me to stop gambling with smthg that won't succeed...
Oh God... Again... Fear.... My biggest nemesis...
Okay.. I gotta admit... 1 year... Is not enough 2 prove anythg... & actually... It doesn't mean te longer it is, te more secure te bond will be... No... Certainly not... Relationship doesn work that way... Trust don't work that way...
I begin 2 realised... He do love me... I was touched deeply at tat point....
Wat I'm worried is... Will he continue to be serious with me?

Seriously... When person that is indifferent by nature, how do we know when he start 2 be serious?
guess my biggest problem isn't trust but my vision... Poor & lacking of observation.... Haiz...

If you can't do it?
Who else can do it??

I know it's my fault that I keep emoing but I truly hope that once in a while you can actually help me... By cheering me up....

What do you mean by don't know??
What do you mean by it's not working??

I don't even see you try harder...
I mean... All you can say is "it's not your fault"
How is that making me feel any better??

He really sucks at tis...
Every single time I emo, he do particularly do nothing much...

Okay... I'm really frustrated right now...
But I just can't help feeling disappointed...
I wish I can see some improvement in me or in him...
Haiz...

It's not gonna work...
I need a person that can control me...
Not to emo too much...
At least comfort me when I need it...
Haiz...
I just can't believe it...
I'm still with a guy which is so bad at expressing and comforting..........

Yea it isn't his...
Since it's in his nature...
But... Come on.....Put some efforts at least?????
Haiz..

Yes. Today is a great day, where I can hang out with my frens.
But I just can't fight off tat complexity feelings I have in 'here'.

I work really hard.
I work, n work again. So that no one can look down on me.
Yes I admit I got weak because I am tired for doing jobs that nobody care to look at or appreciate.
That's why I drop real bad.
However I know it is just an excuse.
Or should I say, this is my mistake for fighting for someone else dreams n hopes.
I should be more selfish on tis.
Maybe that way I won't end up so pathetically.
Sad. It's just sad.

The problem is I love my mum. I pity her life.
I hate those who detest her so I tried really really hard to climb up.
But... Once I've managed to climbed up on a higher level, all she actually care isn't me.
She still hates me or rather the blood that flows in me.
That day... I've changed... I lost my purpose to move on...
I feel meaningless even until now.

I just hate it.
I'm not asking in return but for God sake, I'm your daughter. I'm a human being with feelings n there is a limit where you can push.
I got my own life too. From now on, I want to live the life I've always wanted to dream.
She don't really care wat happens to me.
I fainted n wat te hell she ever do?
At least my dad panicked.

Aah.. My dad... He's another problem I couldn't put up with.
It is so complex. I just don't really know wat 2 do.
I mean I can't hate him.
He saved my life b4. Not just once... And it's more than that.
It's just... Due to some incident... I am really disappointed wit him.

Haiz...
Why can't I live a normal life?
Why couldn't I have a warm family like anyone else?
Why???
Why is my childhood so miserable?
Why couldn't she uds me just a little bit? At least be considerate... Stop treating me like some punching bag or some doll...