I can't stop being miserable... T^T
Besides that...
I have anger management problem... @@
Small matter is aldy enough to trigger my anger till I really wan to smash thgs around...

And my eng gone way WORSE... O_O

Er... The miserable part...
Hmm... Because... I'm easy to get jealous...
And I want to spend more time together...
But can't...
And at times I feels so lonely... And doesn feels like I'm in te relationship I was hoping it to be...
Haiz...
The thgs we've done so far... Just NOT bloody enough...
And keeping te love feelings strong and attached are simply not an easy thg to do...
Since I'm a get-bored-easily kind of person...
Talking isn fun as it was use to be...
Is it because I was emoing?
Is it because it's the effect frm trying too hard?
Is it because I'm too tired?
Actually at times... I just dn uds myself very much...

Emoness is smthg I need to change...
But it's quite hard... Since thgs around me keep making it difficult...
Family... Sometimes I wish I am frm a normal family....
And at work...
She wasn really that fond of me...
Well... I hate pleasing her as well... FYI... I'm not a robot who is good at following ur command...
Grrr... She's older than me... I have to AND I need to respect her... >_<

O yea...
I took 2 exams last thurs...
CEILI and PCE... Haiz... Guess wat? I failed...
RM175 hangus... Just like that... Haiz...
At least Jenn and Li Yann passed of it...
Haiz... How could I be tat stupid... Idiot...
Was really emo that day...
Got painful paper cuts as well... T_T

Again.. I feel like I've change...
I'm no longer feel that I'm te cheerful person when my frens aren around me...
Slowly... I'm reverting back to te past me...
I tend to become weak though I need look strong at the outside...
I know at times like this... I should endure it all I can... But... For how long?
I'm 20 tis years...
Besides the wonderful exp at school, my life wasn all tat magnificent...
So how long? 1 more year? 5 more years? 10 more years?
Or would I be miserable for te rest of mylife?
I feel like I'm being cursed for no reason...

In the past...
There might be a guy liked me after all
I did almost fell for him
But too bad...
Wrong timing... Besides he never confessed

It was pretty special
It's the 1st time i felt someone noticed me and wanted to get close with me...
It's the 1st time... I feel like I can open up to him...

Would anythg change if I didn transfer?
But I wouldn get my hope high since I heard he liked another girl rather than me...

Now...
Wow... My fren got an officially break up agreement frm his gf today...
Tat really sucks... O_O
Especially the reason behind it, it's about future... Finance... Stuffs like tat...
It feels really stupid for me to hear that actually...

But... Aren I the same?
Or am I diff?
I can't be sensible about my own relationship...
I dn noe hw to be rational...
My mind said smthg else... My heart said smthg else...
I can't seems to control myself...
Haiz...

Valentine this year really suck!
I love 3 years ago valentine... Hmm... In year 2008...
I still rmbr it's Sat...
Wow... What a remarkable feelings back then...
I can sit beside him... Watching him play chess... :)
I even managed to give him a choc... Er... Through a game I created... Considered as Valentine choc i guess... >_>
But but... I didn ask him to play... It's him that asked.... XD
Anyway...
I'll give Ferrero Rocher choc to anyone I cherish...
I dn dare to give him and I end up giving it to his mum... LOL

Sad thg to know...
The pic I stalk is all gone!!!
They change friendster... T^T

..........
That isn te point for me log into blogger now...
But... I rather not say it...
It's not gonna change anythg...
Haiz...

Haiz...
Be positive yen...
Be strong yen...
Omg Yen u'r lucky...

Yea... I wish I AM happy and stop complaining...
Haiz...
My plan... The trip... Supposedly to be on....
Haiz...
My miserable life is a spice towards this special occassion...

Why?
Because I'm afraid he'll change his feelings...
I'm afraid to see that happen...
So... I wish to end the relationship when he still love me... At least he'll rmbr me or smthg...

I'm an idiot rite?
For doubting him...
For thinking like that...
For being pathetic...

Why am I being weaker when I actually hope that relationship would strengthen my mentality... Haiz...

I did asked him to sing this to me...
But I guess he forgot...
Well... Haiz... Wtvr... I dn expect him to rmvr every single thg about me...
I mean who does?
Not even my parents, so why hope when it'll turns out to be despair...?

Chris Medina- What Are Words

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
Anytime you whisper my name, you'll see
How every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

And I know an angel was sent just for me
And I know I'm meant to be where I am
And I'm gonna be
Standing right beside her tonight

And I'm gonna be by your side
I would never leave when she needs me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
And I'm gonna be here forever more
Every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most

I'm forever keeping my angel close

Haiz... What am I doing now???
What the hell am I doing now??
Stop being bloody pathetic for God sake!!!!
Something is OFF... Totally off... Why?? How it turns out to be like that??
I don't know... I just kept avoiding...
Because I might start hating him for no reason...
Why can't I stop my heart frm feeling this way?
Why can't I stop my heart from thinking like that?
I wish I can be psychic... I wish I'm not an idiot... I wish I'm not blind... I wish I'm not biased...
I wish a lots of thgs... BUT...

Haiz... I had enough with me...
No one can save me...
Waiting for him... It's like asking too much frm him.... It's like asking too much frm any1....